It sort of goes without saying that if you send someone 9,000 texts after a bad Tinder date, you have some serious mental issues. However, what really interested me was what happened ON the dates. Was there any warning at any point about what this guy was getting himself into this? As it so happens, there was…
A Sydney doctor allegedly sent a man 9000 text messages after meeting on Tinder and having sex twice.
The text messages sent by Denise Jane Lee to Matthew Holberton and tendered in court have been described by police prosecutors as “vicious”, “threatening” and “intimidating”, and include apparent threats such as “I will make you pay” and “you deserve everything you’re going to get”.
In other texts, collected in five bound volumes of folders tendered to the NSW Local Court, Ms Lee says, “I am going to f**k your life up” and “whatever you value most, I’ll target”.
Thousands of text messages have been tendered to the Downing Centre Local Court by police who allege Ms Lee stalked Mr Holberton via GPS and told him she knew where he lived, worked and his parents’ first names.
Emails were also allegedly sent to Mr Holberton’s new girlfriend and her parents.
So, she did everything except boil his pet rabbit on the stove in text form. But, how did the dates go?
The relationship amounted to four dinner dates, an “encounter” in her flat and then sexual intercourse on two occasions.
After the first dinner date on July 28, 2015, Mr Holberton sent texts to Ms Lee about body shapes, saying “soft skin and firm muscles are sexy”.
The pair set up a second dinner date for August 29, after which nothing sexual happened according to court documents.
On September 3, after their third dinner date the two had a “consensual encounter” in the entrance hall landing of her flat.
The day after, Mr Holberton texts her saying, “sorry I might have grazed you” and they discuss intimate details of the encounter.
On September 18 after going out on their fourth dinner date, Mr Holberton returns with Ms Lee to her house and they have sexual intercourse.
But by September 22, Ms Lee seems unhappy, sending three texts in two minutes to Mr Holberton saying, “I was happy to go out with you. I didn’t know it was just for sex. That changes it”.
Three minutes later she texts, “a dirty f**k on the landing would have suited you just fine I think”.
Three minutes later at 10.33pm she texts, “if I’d known that after sleeping with you you wouldn’t want to see me again, I wouldn’t have slept with you”.
After about 15 texts exchanged between the two, Mr Holberton texts, “So I just felt like someone to feed and f**k you”.
They then have a terse exchange in which she says if she was paying she’d go “to more expensive places” than the restaurants he chose.
By 11.43pm, after more than 20 further texts between the two, Mr Holberton sends the message, “I think the key take out is that we don’t gel”.
More texts ensue over the next days when Ms Lee accuses Ms Holberton of “disposing” of her after one sexual encounter.
…By the evening of September 30, Ms Lee appears to make fun of Mr Holberton’s sexual ability, saying he “couldn’t even tell where to push … laughable” and says “I’ll be letting everyone know don’t worry”.
Then three minutes later, at 10.39pm, she texts “you’re not going to get away with it”.
More texts arrive, with Ms Lee saying “you don’t even know how to touch a girl” and “you’re a sleaze bag”.
By 11.04pm she has texted him calling Mr Holberton an “a**hole” and lambasting the manner in which he handled her during their sexual liaison.
Mr Holberton messages back about her “barrage of texts” and asks, “can you just cool it?”.
The next evening she is calling him a “user” and again criticising his sexual technique.
But two days later, on October 3, Mr Holberton and Ms Lee met up for a drink at her place and had their last sexual encounter.
Thereafter, police say Mr Holberton met Ms Lee on three further occasions between October 9 and November 10, “trying to cool things off”.
It may not have made any difference at all, but when some woman you’ve been out with 4 times is blowing up your phone with crazy texts threatening you and attacking your sexual performance, you DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.
The only other thing I’d say about this is that although it’s not 100% clear, reading between the lines, it sounds like after he slept with her, he ghosted on her and then she freaked out. This is not something that every guy believes, but I think any woman you sleep with deserves a certain amount of deference. At a minimum, you should be polite to her and give her a nice as possible explanation if you don’t want to see her again. On the downside, it’s not fun dealing with potential anger, tears or backlash, but it also decreases the chances you’ll get falsely accused of rape or blasted with 9,000 text messages by a crazy woman.