Via Reddit comes a question I can really identify with:
Do I have Nice Guy Syndrome?
I’m male, 25.
This keeps happening: I meet a girl, there’s flirting going both ways. My friends all affirm the girl is flirting with me. (One of those friends is a girl for what that’s worth.) Me and the girl start texting routinely. She initiates every conversation. I get excited, because I like her, and my friends say she likes me, and they seem right. Over the course of a few days, the girl opens up (only through text though) and tells me about her personal problems. I answer her questions in the nicest way I know how. Then in a particularly flirty texting conversation (again going both ways) I tell her I have feelings for her. Then in a wishy-washy way, they get the message across that they don’t feel the same way. Then they continue to tell me about their life problems, and they often seem to feel very sorry for themselves, and it seems like they just want my validation. It gets excessive, and I think they know that too, because they constantly apologize for how often they come to me with their problems. I’m not really sure what it’s about. But when they tell me they don’t feel the same way, I kindly drop the subject, no passive aggressive talk, absolutely no guilt-tripping. And the girls always tell me that I’m a really nice guy, and I’m left scratching my head as to what all the flirting meant, and my friends don’t get it either. Anyways, I don’t mean to sound angry or anything at these girls. The problems they mention show that they’ve had hard lives, and I could see how texting someone who helps them feel better is something they wanna keep doing. I just don’t get why they flirt with me so hard at first and then say ‘no’ and then keep wanting to vent all their problems to me… me of all people. They barely know me. (This happens A LOT.)
How do I break out of this cycle? And do I have Nice Guy Syndrome?
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Been there, done that. I don’t know if I’d call it “nice guy syndrome,” but if you act like “just a friend,” she will treat you like just a friend. This used to happen to me when I was younger, less experienced with women and way too hesitant to make a move.
The key to breaking out of that cycle is to show your sexual interest in her. Drop some double entendres. Make sure you’re meeting in person and touching her. Steer the conversation towards sex sometimes. By the way, I am not talking about being crude or sex-obsessed, I’m talking about creating some sexual tension.
After all, sexual tension is the difference between a friendship and a romance. If she is definitely interested in you, you’ve got to make some moves on her in person, not just text back and forth about her life story. This is important because when it comes to a woman’s interest in you, it usually doesn’t last forever. With most women, there is a “window” and if she is flirting hard and not getting the same vibe back, that “window” can close forever. So if it’s there and you’re interested, take a flying leap through that “window” and see what happens.