Was She Wrong Not to Tell Her Boyfriend She Was Missing a Breast?

Be forewarned, this is a bit of a sad story:

AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I don’t have a breast?

I am honestly heartbroken right now.

I (24F) am a breast cancer survivor. I have had my left breast removed and there’s just a scar there now.

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When I go out I wear a silicon padding on my left breast otherwise it looks very odd and makes me self conscious.

My boyfriend (23M) and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 3 years. We had met a couple of times but we just enjoyed each other’s company. He knows i am a cancer survivor but doesn’t know about my breast.

I decided to move in with him about a month ago and we tried to have sex.

I said tried because the moment he laid eyes on my breast his face went white and he refused to touch me further. He said I had cheated him and that I should have told him earlier about my breast.

I told him that I didn’t think it was important since he said he loves all of me and that he thought I was beautiful. I am honestly so conflicted right now and I feel like a horrible person.

AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I don’t have breast?

Edit: Had a talk with him. He says he can’t be with anymore, he didn’t know I was lacking a breast because I looked fine in my pictures. Thank you for your help everyone

First of all, I don’t quite know what to say about a 3-year, long-distance “relationship” where the two of them only met twice and hadn’t had sex. That sounds more like a friendship than a relationship, but this isn’t a post about long-distance relationships.

It’s about whether she should have told him and the answer is, “of course.” She had 3 years to do that and instead, she let him find out she was missing a breast when they had sex for the first time? Can you imagine how jarring that must have been for him? After 36 months, he finally has sex with “girlfriend” and not only does he have to deal with the weirdness of finding out she’s missing a body part that he thought she had, but the fact that she was lying to him about something important. I know, I know. Some people would say, “She didn’t lie. She just didn’t tell him and he assumed.” But, that’s still a lie by omission and it is a lie about a big thing.

Now, here’s the really sad part. She was probably scared to tell him because she thought he would reject her, but the truth is, if she had told him the truth from the beginning, he probably would have hung in there. After all, this guy “dated” her for 3 years even though he only saw her twice and they never had sex. Chances are, he would have just adjusted if she wouldn’t have sprung this on him the first time they were about to engage in coitus.

Had she told him early on, either he would have walked away, which would have saved her time and disappointment or he would have adjusted to the idea and everything would be fine now. It’s a hard way to learn a lesson about a sensitive topic, but hopefully, she won’t make that mistake with her next relationship.

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John Hawkins
John Hawkins created Rightwingnews.com in 2001; built it up to a top 10,000 in the world website; created a corporation with more than 20 employees to support it; created a 3.5 million person Facebook page; became one of the most popular conservative columnists in America; was published everywhere from National Review to Human Events, to Townhall, to PJ Media, to the Daily Wire, to The Hill; wrote a book 101 Things All Young Adults Should Know that was at one point top 50 in the self-help section on Amazon; did hundreds of hours as a guest on radio shows, raised $611,000 in a GoFundMe for Brett Kavanaugh’s family and has been talked about everywhere from The New York Times to Buzzfeed, to the Washington Post, to Yahoo News, to the Rush Limbaugh Show, to USA Today. After seeing the unjust way that Brett Kavanaugh was treated during his hearings and how a lifetime worth of good work was put at risk by unprovable allegations, John Hawkins decided to create a men’s website. Welcome to Brass Pills!

 

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