On one hand, this isn’t the most diplomatic way to respond to a serious request from your girlfriend. On the other…
Me(32) and my girlfriend(29) are living together for a year and going out for two. I make about 1.5 times the amount she makes and split all our bills including rent 60-40. She has a huge student loan in low six digits. So here’s the incident. Yesterday, she came up to me and asked why I was not helping pay off her student loan.I asked her whether she wants me to help plan her budget or is she expecting me to help pay of her loan. she said it was the latter. I told her I am not willing to join finances as long as we are not married. But she retorted that I have more than enough in my savings and it’s unfair that I am not helping her pay off her student loan. So, I asked her if she was expecting me to take my savings and completely pay off her loan. She nodded and I started laughing uncontrollably. She got upset and has informed most of her friends and they have been calling me an asshole as I am not helping her. I would have been fine if she had asked if she could reduce her share of the bills, but for her to suggest this I don’t know how else to react. She has been giving me the silent treatment since.
The most amazing part of this is it isn’t like this guy is rich and she’s poor. He only makes 1.5 times what she does, already is paying more than his fair share of the bills and she’s LITERALLY asking him to clean out his savings to pay off her student loans.
Meanwhile, she has a SIX FIGURE student loan? Let me guess; She took a really useless major at a really expensive private college. What do you think? Art history? Women’s studies? From that sense of entitlement, I’m going to guess women’s studies. But, who knows, right?
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In any case, he’s 100% right to say that he’s not willing to join their finances unless they get married and quite frankly, a woman having a six-figure student loan debt is a reason NOT to marry her in the first place because the moment you do, her debt becomes your problem.
So, why do you not share finances with a woman before marriage? Because most women feel absolutely no appreciation or even obligation towards a man that does things like that for them at all. None. Zero. Nada. In other words, if he paid off her bills and she dumped him two weeks afterward, she wouldn’t even feel bad about it. Just like a woman who has no interest in you doesn’t feel bad about letting you buy her a drink at a bar. Just like a woman I used to know was laughing about waiting until right after Christmas to break up with her boyfriend so she could still get a gift. Just like Jeff Bezos’ wife felt completely comfortable getting billions of dollars she could have never earned herself after their divorce. There are exceptions to this rule, I’ve even known a few of them, but they’re rare as hen’s teeth.
We don’t know much about their two-year-long relationship other than this incident, but this incident tells us a lot. Her heavy debt? That’s heavy baggage. The fact that her friends think he’s an asshole after she made such an unreasonable request is an indication that the people she’s hanging around with are an area of concern. The fact that she has this kind of sense of entitlement is a big red flag. He should think about all that very carefully if he’s even considering getting in any deeper with this woman.
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