There are a lot of people who believe men and women are essentially the same except that they have different equipment downstairs. There are a hundred different ways you could disprove that theory and this is as good of a starting point as any. (This data comes from a study by OKCupid.)
— Mona Chalabi (@MonaChalabi) August 20, 2016
What you have to understand is that both sexes have different ideal partners.
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In a dream world, a woman wants to be with the guy other men want to be and other women want to screw. Imagine a man who is good looking, rich, famous and influential and you’re in the ball park. The rock star, the movie star, the professional athlete, the billionaire. Guys who other men look up to, who can have their choice of women, who can provide an amazing lifestyle while other females look on with envy at the woman who landed him. If he’s funny, treats her well and is great with her kids, those are bonuses.
When you’re a man, you have to live with this knowledge and it’s not always easy because there are very few men at the very top of the food chain. Tiger Woods the accountant would have never been drowning in women like Tiger Woods the professional golfer has been. Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with 20,000 women. Do you think that would have happened if he were Wilt Chamberlain the plumber? In their heyday, Motley Crue was getting so much tail they did crazy things like sleeping with a daughter, mother and grandmother all at the same time. You think that would have happened if they were a crew of auto mechanics?
No, because performance is a key aspect of what makes men attractive to women. If that performance drops off, you may not be as attractive to your woman any more. As Warren Farrell noted in Why Men Are The Way They Are…
In another socioeconomic class, men who drop out of officer training also find the women who love them dropping out of their lives. I live near Camp Pendleton, one of the largest military bases in the United States, just north of San Diego. One man after another has told me that there is “no way personality is as important to a lady as my rank.”
I once had a female friend who kept dating rich guy after rich guy. Most people would call her a gold digger, but it wasn’t that she was after their money per se. What I came to realize from talking to her was that wealth just flipped a powerful attraction switch for her. This kind of thing upsets some men, but it doesn’t make her a bad person any more than a guy having a preference for women with large chests. People like what they like.
So, what happens when women can’t get what they want? What happens when LeBron James, Justin Bieber and Bill Clinton are already taken? Women go for the man who’s the closest they can find to their ideal that they can attract.
Makes sense, right?
Well, men have different standards than women. As a general rule, men first and foremost value physical attractiveness in a woman. Beyond that, they like feminine women who like sex, are nice to them, respect them, want to take care of them and whom they enjoy being around. If the woman is loyal, good hearted and is low drama, those are bonuses.
Just as many men make the mistake of thinking that women share their standards and so they have a chance to turn a female friend into a lover merely by being nice, fun and treating her with respect, many women make the mistake of thinking that men share their standards. This is where the idea that “men are intimidated by successful women” comes from. The truth is that men simply don’t put the same value on finding a successful mate that women do.
Imagine that a man has to choose between two women who are both good looking and roughly equal in attractiveness. One is a maid and one is a CEO. The maid works 40 hours a week and doesn’t make much, but rides him like a pony, keeps the house clean, loves to cook for him, is pleasant to be around and thinks his job as a branch manager at a bank makes him a big deal. Most men reading that description are probably thinking something like, “She sounds like a keeper.”
Then imagine the other woman who’s a CEO at a big company. She makes tons of money, but works 70 hours a week because that’s the type of workload you have to be willing to put in if you want to run a company. She expects her man to do most of the cooking and cleaning because she doesn’t have time. She’s too tired and stressed to have sex all that often. She’s also so used to bossing people around at work that she tends to do it a little bit at home as well. On top of all that, she’s not impressed by his job at all. After all, she has 50 people working for her who make more money than he does.
Overwhelmingly, men are going to take the maid over the CEO in that situation. That’s not because men are intimidated by success; it’s because when you look at what a man actually wants, the maid fits the bill much better.
…..Which brings us to the almost universal male preference for young women.
Men value attractiveness first and foremost and when is the peak of a woman’s attractiveness? When she’s young. When is she most likely to be sexually fit? When she’s young. When is she most likely to find him impressive? When she’s young. As an extra added bonus, when is she least likely to have any kids or ex-husbands in the background? When she’s young.
When I was 44, I dated a 19 year old for a while. When women I knew asked me why I was dating a 19 year old, I just told them the truth. “Because I can.”
That being said, although some women that age are interested in older guys, most aren’t. So just as most women aren’t going to get their Bill Gates, most men aren’t going to get their 19 year old super model whose three favorite activities are cooking, giving massages and sex. So men do the same thing that women do. They look for a woman who is the closest they can find to their ideal.
So what’s worse? Being a woman and knowing that as you age, your most important asset is inevitably going to fade or being a man and knowing that you always have to perform and that if your status ever slips, the woman you’re with will be less attracted to you or may even leave you?
It’s not an ideal situation for either sex, but it’s the reality of the world we live in; so you might as well get used to it.