Sadly, Vera Minstral has been banned from Twitter, but she asked what I thought was a fascinating question. She wanted to know if there was anything women could do to make themselves more attractive to men that weren’t related to looks. In other words, how does a woman improve her market value to men if her looks don’t change?
First, when you listen to guys talk and see memes like this one, it’s easy to see why women might wonder about that.
Moreover, there is a kernel of truth there. Looks are first and foremost what a man looks for in a woman and if a woman is beautiful enough, the world is her oyster. Not only do men want a woman like that because they’re sexually attracted to her, they want her because she’s a status symbol. As an ex-friend of mine turned Fox news babe once told me, “You can judge the quality of the man by the quality of the woman on his arm.”
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As a woman, I can see where this would be extremely intimidating.
For one thing, because social media has globalized beauty standards, the top of the food chain for women tends to be genetic lottery winners who have probably had some plastic surgery, spend two hours doing their hair and make-up before they go out wearing thousands of dollars’ worth of perfectly tailored clothing. That is a high bar to get over and it gets tougher every year as women get older. There was once a beautiful woman I was going out with and she was typically the best-looking woman in the room in her mid-thirties, but she didn’t think she was all that attractive because she didn’t feel like she measured up to what she used to look like in her early twenties.
So, as far as men are concerned, are looks the end all and be all? For some of them, yes.
Just like there are women who don’t care about anything except getting a rich man, there are men that don’t care about anything except getting a hot woman. Furthermore, if you’re talking about just sex, the numbers here escalate dramatically. If you’re talking about a woman you’re going to spend a night with, the best looking woman will almost always win that fight, but if you’re talking about potentially spending the rest of your life with her, those “add ons” mean an awful lot. At least they do to a guy that has some options as opposed to a man that’s shallow or is just desperate to get any woman he can.
So, the first thing to keep in mind is that there is a certain threshold for beauty. You can think of that as the “2 point rule.” Almost every couple you see together is within 2 points of each other on a 10 scale when it comes to attractiveness. The only exceptions to that tend to be married couples where one partner has let himself or herself go or alternately, a case where a guy is rich, has status or tremendous levels of game that let him pull a better-looking woman than he could normally get.
Beyond that, keep in mind that there really is someone for everyone. There are going to be men with every manner of kink and predilection imaginable, white knights, betas desperate for any woman – you name it and someone is ready to sign on the dotted line for it. What I am about to suggest to women is how to maximize your chances to get the type of guy you’re going to want, as opposed to the sort of guy you’ll have to settle for because you can’t get anyone better. Is it possible that you can do nothing I’m suggesting and still somehow land a great guy? Sure, anything’s possible, but if you’re a woman and you want to know how to increase your value, this is how to do it. None of this SHOULD BE rocket science, but in our “Women are perfect just the way they are and you don’t need to do anything to please some damn man” society, what should be obvious isn’t always.
1) Don’t send signals showing you are uninterested in a relationship with a man: Most men are not going to hit on a woman that they suspect is a lesbian or a man-hater. So don’t make “man” jokes, cut your hair super short, dye your hair weird colors, ramble on about the patriarchy or feminism and cover yourself in ugly tattoos. Those are like nature’s ways of warning men to stay away.
2) Reduce your baggage: When a man starts to think about a future with a woman, he starts wondering what kind of responsibilities and risks he’s taking on. The more baggage a woman has in that area, the more reluctant a man is going to be to commit. So, if you have debt, pay it off. If you have mental health problems, go to a therapist. If you have glaring problems with your personality (jealousy, anger issues, etc.), work on them. Don’t forget to take the pill and get pregnant from some guy you’re not dating. Don’t impulsively get married because you can always just get divorced later. If you have problematic friends or relatives, get them in check or cut them out of your life. Maybe you should get A CAT or A DOG instead of 10 CATS or 10 DOGS. In other words, try not to put a guy in a situation where he’s asking himself, “Can I really live with this long-term?”
3) Improve yourself as a human being: What do you bring to the table for a man besides a pretty face and sex? Is there anything about you that would make another human being go “Wow?” Are you a great dancer? Do you do great speeches? Are you Lady Gaga or Oprah Winfrey? What personal qualities do you have that are extraordinary? I had an ex-girlfriend that was amazingly generous when it came to helping the poor and was one of the most enthusiastic people I’ve ever met. Want to go the movies? Let’s go! This will be great! Hey, want to try a hot air balloon ride? That sounds like so much fun! Maybe we should plan a surprise party for our friend? Terrific! I can make a cake and we’ll need to get a present and this will be wonderful! How do you not like someone like that? What qualities do you have that would make people in general like you?
4) Be more feminine: As a rule, American woman are way too masculine these days. So if you get girly and show some feminine traits, don’t be surprised when opposites attract. Show that you’re a good mother, that you want to take care of him, that you like to cook. Wear some pink. Be pretty for him. Ask for his advice. Let him open that tough jar of pickles. Hang on his arm. I’m not saying you must be June Cleaver, but seldom are you going to go wrong with a man by being more feminine.
Like I said, it’s not rocket science, but no woman will ever go wrong following this advice.