I had a female friend (not someone I was romantically connected with) who told me that she couldn’t have a baby. Doctors had told her it just wouldn’t happen. Not that it was unlikely, that it definitely wasn’t going to happen. Well, guess what? She got married and a year or two after, she was pregnant. Was her husband happy about that? I mean, I don’t know him, but hope so. She certainly looks happy, I’m happy for her and wish her all the best.
However, that situation could have looked a whole lot different. For example, via Reddit…
AITA for keeping my f*ck buddy’s baby after we both thought I was infertile?
Small backstory: I’m 27. I’ve been seeing my f*ck buddy Nate for a year, about every week or so, and I was married for 4 years before him (my husband left me because he realized he wanted to start a family and “he couldn’t do that with me.”) As the title implies, I was told when I was 12 that I am infertile.
I told Nate that I am infertile at the beginning of our relationship. I don’t really date anymore because of what my husband did to me. I told Nate the reality of things; I’m infertile, and I’m exclusive to him (he can see whoever he wants). If he wants to double up on protection, we very well can. If he doesn’t, that’s fine too. He ended up choosing the latter.
Well. I still don’t know how it happened because I was told “with absolute certainty that I cannot get pregnant” (side note, can I do anything with the doctor who’s said this to me; would this be malpractice?). I’ve had pretty bad pregnancy symptoms for at least a month (just didn’t think it was a possibility so it didn’t even enter my mind), so I have no idea how many weeks along I am. My appointment is on Monday to confirm but I’ve taken 3 pregnancy tests already.
I told Nate later that night, and he was less than thrilled. He asked me if I was leaning more towards abortion or adoption, and I told him that honestly, I really don’t think I’d have another chance like this, and I’m thinking about keeping it. He then said and I quote “if you’re keeping it, I’m having absolutely nothing to do with that child; you’re on your own.” I was kinda pissed off because I told him if he wanted to use a condom, he could’ve; he had that choice and he chose not to. He can’t just not have ANY involvement in the child’s life, and I told him this and that he will still contribute financially, and I will take him to court if I have to.
He started calling me horrible names, which is COMPLETELY different than how he normally acts. I no longer felt safe and left his house.
I don’t really want to tell anyone in my personal life, because I have no idea how far along I am, and I don’t want to miscarry and lead to all of this conversation of if I’m infertile/fertile, etc. I feel kind of sh*tty because I can see his side. But at the same time, it’s MY choice. Wanted to come to Reddit to see if I’m being unreasonable
EDIT: My wording was confusing; I edited for clarity. My doctor told me with absolute certainty that I CANNOT get pregnant. That’s why I added the bit in parenthesis
And also, I glossed over the infertile part because it wasn’t necessary. But it’s not like I was told one time “you’re infertile” and this was the last time this medical complication was EVER mentioned again. I don’t want to get too much into specifics, but I have regular check ups with my primary care physicians, including an ob-gyn. We have always operated under the assumptions that I was infertile because of said condition. Jesus Christ, do you guys really think a lifelong complication would’ve been mentioned one time to a 12 year old and that’s it?
Don’t you love how she shifted from telling the guy she can’t get pregnant to, ” I was kinda pissed off because I told him if he wanted to use a condom, he could’ve; he had that choice and he chose not to.” It’s like that great line from Animal House,