I get that life-long friends are important, but if they’re talking sh*t about your significant other, and treating them like sh*t, wouldn’t you jump in?
AM I crazy?
Backstory: My[30M] girlfriend[28F] of 1.5 years has a very toxic circle of gay friends. They sounded like fun from the way she would often talk about them so I was generally excited to meet them. But since day 1 these @ssholes never even gave me a second of their time to get to know me before treating me like shi*. Whenever she’s not around, they would turn away from me and go out of their way to ignore me. When I asked them if I did something wrong, all I got was some scoffing and awkward silences. Since the very first day, there has been tension and poison in between us.
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When I would talk to my GF, she would just shrug it off, deflect, and say that’s just how they are. But they loved her ex and never treated him that way, but when I would mention this, she’d change the subject or find some way to bullsh*t herself out of it. I hated going to parties because they were very relentless and made it a point to treat me like sh*t. She’d witness it and still she’d do nothing about it. When I confront her about it, she says they’re life-long friends of hers, she would never cut them off or disrespect them.
But you’re ok with letting them disrespect ME?? Your “lover”? Your significant other? She tried to deflect and said Im a grown man, she shouldn’t have to fight my battles for me. Wow. Ok. I didn’t know it yet, but right then and there this relationship was over. All emotional ties I had to her were dead. When we went to the Poconos together on vacation, one of her friends tried to get smart with me. Big mistake. See here’s the thing, my group of friends and I, we grew up talking sh*t to each other on a daily basis. That is just how we are, we love baggin on each other and having a good laugh, but at the end of the day, we are homies and we’ve never held on to any grudges or anything. That’s just how we are. All this is to say that, now that I no longer had a leash, this friend of h*uck with. I talked shit right back. Everything they tried to slip past me, I threw that sh*t right back into their faces. It was hilarious, I just remember wishing my friends were there, it was some of the best material of my entire career lol
My GF was NOT happy, and had the NERVE to jump in and defend them!! We argued for a while, and I agreed at one point to apologize and put it behind me. I’m good with that, again, this is what im used to, and I would do it in a heartbeat for her because she’s my significant other. Nope. They were too small to grow up and take the high road because the very next day, they started sh*t up again, and once again, I stood up for myself and threw everything right back at them. My GF had the nerve once again to jump in and stop me. I cussed her out too, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told her exactly how I felt. You care about these friends of yours? Fine. But I have no obligation to put up with toxic behavior just because they’re her friends. Had it been MY friends talking shit about her, I would’ve jumped in and defended her to my very last breath.
I told her our relationship was over. I can’t be with someone who prioritizes their friends over their partner, especially when the friends are in the wrong and treating me like sh*t. Who the f*ck do you think I am? I wished her luck and went back to our hotel to pack and left with my car. She blew up my phone the entire ride home. She was crying and crying and crying. Apologizing left and right, saying I was right to be upset, she feels like sh*t, she loves me, she can’t bare to lose me, yadda yadda yadda. I’m sorry girl, but those emotional ties have been severed already. You let them get damaged way beyond repair at this point.
I don’t fault anyone for wanting to preserve their life-long friendships, but if they don’t get along with your significant other, you got to make a decision who you prioritize first. She clearly prioritized her friends over me. Am I wrong for not accepting that? I don’t think I am. My exes were all ride-or-die for me, and vice-versa. You’re trash for expecting me to sit there and take all of their sh*t without defending myself.
Tl;DR! I dumped my gf because she got upset I defended myself from her toxic *sshole friends.
In public, your girl should never insult you or allow any of her friends to insult you. If she’s doing that or allowing that to go on, it shows a lack of respect that needs to be addressed. He did that the right way. He tried to discuss it with her friends, which shouldn’t have been necessary in the first place. Then he brought his very legitimate concerns to his girlfriend’s attention.
Not only did she not deal with it, but she also turned it around like he was asking her to fight his battles for him. Of course, they were her friends and she should have drawn a line in the sand about insulting her boyfriend early on.
So, he took the next logical step, which was insulting her friends. She chose to side with them and… he cut her loose.
What else was he supposed to do at that point? She obviously didn’t respect him or she would have never allowed that kind of behavior to continue. That lack of respect regarding her friends may have been how it started, but that wasn’t where it would have ended. That’s why a woman that doesn’t respect you as a man isn’t a woman you want in your life.