Men Describe the Worst Sex Advice You Can Give to a First Timer

The first time you have sex is a little like taking an important test when you studied but missed a bunch of classes, so you hope you’ll do okay, but you are a little worried you’re going to spend too much time winging it. If that is where you’re at, here’s some terrible advice for you. It may not make you better at it, but if you pay attention to what not to do, it may at least keep you from being worse. (PS: Some of this advice is for men, some is for women, and some is for both.)

— “GRAB HIS D*CK AND TWIST IT!! GIVE EM THE OL’ D*CK TWIST!”

— Don’t make a single sound throughout the entire session.

— If you’re a lady make sure you just lay there and don’t move. Kind of like a starfish.

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— It’s not necessary to clean your genitals beforehand.

— Ladies, use teeth… Like a whole lot of teeth. If there is a question, use more teeth.

— You don’t need to get it wet, just dive in.

— Try to get off as fast as you can… it’s a race and you want first not second.

— “Lube? No, you don’t need that. Just jackhammer that thing in there as hard and fast as you can. If it feels like it’s burning, that means she likes it.”

— Wanna REALLY, REALLY make her scream? Wipe your d*ck off on her curtains!

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John Hawkins
John Hawkins created Rightwingnews.com in 2001; built it up to a top 10,000 in the world website; created a corporation with more than 20 employees to support it; created a 3.5 million person Facebook page; became one of the most popular conservative columnists in America; was published everywhere from National Review to Human Events, to Townhall, to PJ Media, to the Daily Wire, to The Hill; wrote a book 101 Things All Young Adults Should Know that was at one point top 50 in the self-help section on Amazon; did hundreds of hours as a guest on radio shows, raised $611,000 in a GoFundMe for Brett Kavanaugh’s family and has been talked about everywhere from The New York Times to Buzzfeed, to the Washington Post, to Yahoo News, to the Rush Limbaugh Show, to USA Today. After seeing the unjust way that Brett Kavanaugh was treated during his hearings and how a lifetime worth of good work was put at risk by unprovable allegations, John Hawkins decided to create a men’s website. Welcome to Brass Pills!

 

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