This woman wrote to Slate asking for advice about the man she’s cheating with…
At the risk of being judged and vilified, I pose this question to you as opposed to friends and family. I got involved with an older married man a few months ago knowing that he was and had no intention of changing his situation. He told me he was looking for a female friend to fill the void in his sexual life because when his wife went through menopause eight years ago, she lost all interest in sexual activity of any kind. We eventually developed deep feelings for each other. He admitted it in a series of texts and conversations. It is now unspoken but obvious how we feel for each other. I broke off things with him at least three times since, knowing this situation was morally wrong, and that we are opposite in ways I probably would have considered deal-breakers before. Yet we would still talk daily and multiple times at that.
We have since resumed our relationship again. He refers to himself as my boyfriend and me as his girlfriend when introduced to friends and colleagues. We spend at least one day and night a week together and weekends away when he can, which seems to be twice a month now. He is a great friend as well and takes care of me financially as I am between jobs and now have an injury preventing me from working. My question: Aside from him lying to his wife about his whereabouts when we are together, do you think he is lying to me too? He’s super open and transparent to me about matters he should stay mum about but doesn’t. Can he really be that honest with me and not her? Everything he tells me checks out and is easily verifiable. I know because I check.
So, first off, it’s more than a little weird that a married man is introducing his mistress to friends and colleagues as his “girlfriend” when they would presumably know that he has a wife. Combine that with the fact that he’s spending a couple of weekends per month AND a couple of days per week tapping his sugar baby and the chances of his wife already knowing what’s going on or figuring it out soon enough are very high. That should give his mistress something to look forward to in the coming months.