Over at Reddit, a male college student asks:
<3>How To Get Over Being Stood Up?
Hey everyone, these past couples of days have been a whirlwind of emotions.
So I entered my second semester of college a few weeks ago and went out of my to talk to women(I never dated beforehand). Many times, these women wouldn’t show the same interest back and it never went anywhere. However, I met this one girl from my Chem lecture and we quickly bonded over the past two weeks.
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I finally pulled the trigger last Friday and asked her out to lunch after our Chem lecture. I was super nervous, but she agreed! I can’t tell you how happy I was when she said yes. All of my guy freinds made a big deal about it and congratulated me (I know, it’s cringe but it was my first date haha)
I texted her yesterday afternoon asking when she was available for Tuesday. She didn’t reply back all day yesterday, even though she was snapchatting, and finally sent a response this morning. She basically said she wasn’t into me and didn’t see us more than freinds. She said she only said yes in the heat of the moment to not make it awkward.
Of course, I feel awful, but how can I get over this? My confidence(which was already low) is at an all time low. I hated myself these past two months and have been heavily insecure( short- 5’7, higher pitched voice and small hands). And now they all seem to be validated.
When you aren’t all that experienced with women, it can feel shattering to be rejected. That’s because you are opening yourself up to a woman, letting her know you’re interested and if she’s not interested, it can feel like she’s rendered a negative judgment on your value as a human being. I mean, look at this guy. He was rejected and he’s coming up with all kinds of reasons that he’s a low-value man (short, high voice, small hands.)
Here’s the problem with that mentality. EVERY GUY gets shot down sometimes. Granted, the good looking, wealthy, famous, smooth guys get shot down less than the rest of us, but they don’t get every woman they want either. This is because dating is essentially a number’s game for men. Some women will be interested in you. Other women will not for every reason you can imagine. Maybe they’ve decided to give lesbianism a shot or they’re pining over an ex and can’t see dating anyone or they hate guys with long hair and you are styling like Fabio. It goes on and on. It may be nothing more than the fact that in the first minute you met her, you didn’t make a strong impression on her and she put you in the “he seems nice enough, but I don’t want to date him” bucket.
If you actually work your way through a few women, you are going to get turned down. You are going to think things are going great early on and then it’s all going to fall apart just like that. Yes, you are also going to have women no-show you. True story. A few years ago, I met this girl on a dating app. We seemed to really be hitting it off and both of us talked about how we hated to drag things out when we met someone online. So, I asked if her if she wanted to meet me for dinner that night. She said, “Yes!” We agreed to meet in an hour and a half and she told me she was heading to the bathroom to get ready. Guess what? She never showed up and I never heard from her again. Why did she do that? I don’t have the slightest idea and it doesn’t matter.
If you are a man who wants to get a woman, should you try to improve yourself and fix any glaring weaknesses? Yes, absolutely. But you are where you are and all you can do is take your swing and if it’s a miss, you brush yourself off and move on to the next woman. It’s never going to feel great to get rejected, but once you realize it’s usually based on extremely superficial reasons and isn’t a verdict on your worth as a human being, it doesn’t faze you all that much. It may not be a lot of fun getting to that point as a man, but it is worth it when you finally get there.