Via Reddit, this is one hell of a story:
On Saturday night my (37M) wife (33F), sister (32F) and my mother (59F) joined me for a Veterans Day-related event at a local hotel.
There my wife randomly ran into a former co-worker named John (30-something male), and they spent a good chunk of the evening catching up. He basically kept coming over to our table and kept saying how thrilled he was to see her. At one point she went to the ladies room with my sister, but ended up staying with him at another table.
She was never really far from me, and I didn’t think much of it, but I did notice she was drinking a lot more than usual, considering we rarely drink.
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The event ended around midnight and most people had cleared out already, but her and John were still talking, at which point I came over and said “honey we have to go, our Uber is waiting”.
As we walked to the car she made it clear she was not happy about me coming over and breaking up their conversation and called me a f*cking *sshole, which made me laugh out loud because she never talks like that, which in turn made her more mad.
We got in the car and I sat in the front, while my wife, sister, and mother sat in the back seat. As the driver started heading home, my wife rudely asked him where he was going. The driver said he was following the GPS, and she shouted at him saying “nooooo….I’m going to Norms. I’m hungry”. Norms is a 24-hour Dennys-type restaurant that we’ve been to only once in recent years.
I apologized to the driver and asked him to keep following the GPS home, but she kept saying she was going to Norms. This behavior was completely out of character for my wife, who is a well-educated and very respectful woman. She had never caused a scene in public, and is always very friendly to our Uber drivers.
My sister and mother sat there quietly, until my sister texted me “she wants to go to Norms because that’s where John is going. I can see her phone and he’s texting her right now”.
After that I told my wife, who was getting louder and more obnoxious, that we could go to Norms for Sunday brunch in the morning, but that we needed to get home. From there things took a turn for the worse.
She started screaming something like “what am I going to do at home? Play around with your little d*ck? Your little d*ck does nothing for me. I should’ve f*cked John when I had the chance. It’s time I start f*cking real men…”.
Boom. My world fell apart right there in that stranger’s car, with the three people I love the most in this world.
My sister and mother intervened by telling her to shut up, but she kept going, telling me how bad I was in bed and how I couldn’t get her pregnant, along with a bunch of other outrageous things I can’t even repeat because it hurts so much.
When we finally got home my sister and mother (who was crying) went inside the house, and I tried to negotiate my wife’s exit from the vehicle.
After a few minutes I gave up and told the driver to take her wherever she wanted to go. At that point I was more concerned about my mother. About 30 minutes later I got the notification that the ride had ended. She wound up going to her parent’s house.
That was over 48 hours ago and I haven’t heard a peep from her. I haven’t tried to contact her either. Her dad came over tonight to get her car and some clothes because she has to work tomorrow.
I told him exactly what happened. He said she’s not talking at all. She just told them (her parents) that she would be at their house for a few days, so they thought that I was to blame for whatever happened.
I really don’t know what to do. I’m still shaking of anger for what she did, and fear that my marriage might be over just like that, with no warning whatsoever.
For the record, it’s not that I can’t get her pregnant. She’s the one who can’t have children, but that has never been an issue in our relationship. We knew that when we got married.
And I do have a smaller than average penis, but she’s known that since before we started dating. We met in 2007 and became best friends, started dating in 2012, and married in 2016. We communicate our sexual desires very clearly, and I thought our sex life was great. Now I’m not so sure.
I have always had an unfounded fear of losing her, because she is so smart and beautiful and outgoing, that men are constantly salivating all around her. Even though she has never given me a reason to doubt, I have always feared that some man will eventually come along and convince her that I’m not good enough for her.
But she is by far the most ethical person I have ever met, so I don’t think she has ever cheated on me, and I don’t think she really meant everything she said that night. But I’m having a difficult time getting my thoughts in order, especially because she hasn’t contacted me at all.
But then again, this is new territory for both of us. We have never had a significant argument, much less a fight that would lead us to sleep apart one night. Last week was a normal week. Saturday was a fun day. She was very happy all day and we were both very much looking forward to this event.
The only variable was her running into “John”, whom I had met maybe 5 years ago when they worked together, but they had never dated or been particularly close. So I really don’t know what triggered her.
She also has a very good relationship with my sister and my mother. My sister is one of her best friends and has been for years, so I’m sure she’s embarrassed for them as well.
But her silence now is what’s killing me. I don’t know what to make of it. Should I be the one to go see her and try to fix things, or should I let her come back on her own terms?
First of all, something feels WAY off about this whole thing. He says his wife is a “well-educated and very respectful woman,” “the most ethical person I have ever met” and he “never had a significant argument” with her. The woman he’s describing there and the woman from not just the Uber, but from that night, don’t sound like the same people. Additionally, alcohol IS NOT an explanation. Yes, people do all kinds of messed up things when they’re drunk, but it doesn’t come out of a vacuum. If she’s normally off-the-charts-amazing in every way, she isn’t turning into the worst sort of Jerry Springer trash because she got wasted.
As to whether he should try to reach out and fix things, it’s not just “no,” it’s “hell no.” She went so far over the line that you can’t see it from there. In fact, for all he knows the reason she isn’t coming over is that she wants to be free to see John. I know there’s this powerful desire to try to fix her mistakes and repair the relationship, but crawling back to her after she treated him like human garbage is not going to make it better. The best thing he can do is leave it in silence until she says something because if she is genuinely remorseful, she will reach out. If she doesn’t reach out, that says something about where her head is at, too.
Let me also add that he shouldn’t underplay this. HOPEFULLY, one horrible night isn’t the end of his marriage, but it may be. He’d be wise to have a conversation with a lawyer (pay with cash) and start making some plans to protect himself and his assets. She doesn’t need to know about that. HOPEFULLY, it won’t come to that, but it’s better to be prepared. That’s not just because she said horrible things in that Uber in front of his family, but because she made it very clear she wanted to have sex with another man. In fact, she MAY HAVE wanted to be apart from him just so she could have sex with another man.
It must be a hell of a thing to see what you think is a good marriage potentially implode like this in one night, but again, it seems highly unlikely that all of this came completely out of left-field. So, IF they do somehow work this out, he would wise to start looking at his marriage with fresh eyes to try to get a better idea of what’s happening, because all is definitely not well.
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