Well, yeah. I mean, unless you’re okay with other guys tapping your girlfriend…
My girlfriend[F25] wants to open up our relationship. I[M26] don’t. I have to break up with her now, right?
My girlfriend of five years wants an open relationship. I don’t. We’re at the point that we agreed to talk it out, because we don’t want to break up and lose each other. I love her dearly, and she says the same. There is no compromise in this, right? If a monogamous relationship would make her unhappy and an open relationship would make me unhappy, our hand has been forced already, right?
Her reasons are ‘wrong’ to me, as well. She’s struggling with self-esteem issues and feels it’s the only way she can get validation anymore.
Five years, man. One moment you’re thinking about the upcoming holidays, vacations next year, and the satisfaction of having someone you love, and then suddenly your life is centred about having to say goodbye to the love of your life, and realizing you’re alone. So very alone.
I am so broken right now.
tl;dr: gf wants an open relationship. I don’t. I don’t know how to approach or resolve this. I’m in tears over the fact that I have to slam the ‘break-up’ button. How can I go through life and expect a long and fulfilling relationship if I break-off things at every obstacle? But what choice do I have…
I have seen this kind of thing multiple times and in fact, I once had a friend of mine in this exact situation. Just to give you a little background, this guy was good looking and never had any trouble finding women as long as I knew him. Additionally, I’d known him and his girlfriend (who later became his wife) for years. I didn’t know her as well, but when I saw them together, they also seemed like a really great couple with fantastic chemistry.
Well, in any case. I had moved and lost touch with them, but he happened to be in town and he reached out to see if I wanted to hang out. I did and we got together for dinner with me basically having no idea what had been going on in his life for the last few years.
So, I asked how his wife is doing and the story he told me blew me away.
He said that one day, his wife came to him and asked for an open relationship. He told me that he didn’t want to do it, but figured that if she was asking for that, either he’d have to agree or lose her. So, he reluctantly agreed.
Well, his sweet little wife took full advantage of it. He said for the next few months, his wife started regularly sleeping with other guys. In fact, she brought several of them home and had sex with them on THEIR COUCH while he was in the bedroom. She even brought a girl home one night. Meanwhile, sex between the two of them basically stopped. He said the last straw was when a guy at work asked him for his wife’s phone number. That ended up leading to a divorce.
Incidentally, I’ve seen similar situations to this several times and it has NEVER worked out long-term — and why would it? The woman has her security at home and, being a woman, an unlimited supply of sexual partners. In fact, it’s probably even easier for her to find guys because since she’s married, the guys she sleeps with know there are going to be no strings attached. Meanwhile, the guy gets to live with the knowledge that half the guys in town are taking turns on his wife.
Last but not least, I suspect that usually when a woman makes this kind of request, she wants out so she can date other people, BUT doesn’t want to be the one to pull the ripcord. So, she puts the man in a position where she either gets what she wants or, he has to be the one to dump her. That may sound ridiculous, but when the story gets told to her girlfriends, she’ll leave in the “he dumped me” part and leave out the “I asked for an open relationship” part.
So yes, bro. You would be wise to break-up with her now.