Wow, is there a twist in this one…
My girlfriend [F24] called men “failed abortions” and is now trying to walk it back [M23]
My girlfriend has always had a hot streak in her for social issues. Normally this doesn’t bother me at all, I agree with her on most issues.
Yesterday we got into a fight because she saw an article about police violence and how it was mostly perpetrated by men. She said that men were “failed abortions” and we wouldn’t have these problems if they were born women. I took offense to that and we ended up in an argument where she said that she clearly didn’t mean all men and said I was being oversensitive. I felt like it definitely crossed a line, and it hit particularly hard because I’ve had some questioning of my gender identity and haven’t always wanted to have been born a man (I’ve been open with her about this and she’s usually supportive).
The argument simmered down after a day or so and now she’s trying to walk the statement back and be apologetic for it. I’m having a really difficult time getting it out of my head and I’m not sure what to do.
Edit: this is getting a lot of traction and I just want to try to clarify some things. We’ve had the whole discussion about hyperbole and how people expressing frustration against a group doesn’t necessarily mean they hate them. I get that and I’m fine with it, but this was hard to hear and I’m having real trouble separating my feelings from hyperbole. This especially hurts because of the gender identity stuff I’ve shared before and how unilateral of a statement it was, and she initially acted like I shouldn’t have been offended. I just feel really sick about myself and my body and at the very least I think I need time to process things
Edit 2: removed references to feminism because multiple commenters have said that this isn’t it, and I agree. I spent some time looking up feminist resources and I urge others to do the same, because whatever you think it is, it’s not about hatred
We have a wimpy guy that can’t figure out what gender he is and is dating a feminist. There really is no way this ends well for him, is there?
Let’s tackle both issues. Here’s the old school way to tell what gender you are. Look between your legs. Is there a vagina there? You are a woman. Is there a penis there? Then, you are a man. Your gender identity issues have now been solved. Believe it or not, it really is that simple, and the people that are telling you that it isn’t are confused themselves and they’re not people you should allow to influence you in any way.
As to his feminist girlfriend, is she wrong for him? It’s hard to say for sure because he has his own crippling problem. Guys who don’t know what gender they are aren’t exactly in demand, so it’s possible he may never be able to do better than a feminist unless he works this out.
When it comes to men that are not so afflicted, I would tell you that you just don’t want to be with a diehard feminist. You think a woman hates your whole gender, but you are going to be happy with her long-term? Not a chance and yes, like he says, feminists often claim they don’t hate men. In fact, they usually say it right after they say something like, “all men are failed abortions,” someone asks them why they hate men, and then they have to explain that they didn’t really mean what they said. Rinse and repeat endlessly because they do hate men. A man dating a diehard feminist is like a black woman dating a member of the KKK. It’s just not destined to work out well.
As to this guy, it’s hard to say what he should do. His girlfriend is a mess, but so is he. He just needs to decide if he would be happier being a mess by himself or with her.