Once you understand the truth about women and prenups, this won’t be a surprise at all:
Fiance (36F) didn’t want to sign a prenup with me (33M), got inheritance, now wants prenup
A little background here is that I make around $250k a year, my fiance makes around $65k a year. We’ve both been divorced. I asked for a prenup protecting my existing assets: two rental properties (worth around $400k together), my retirement account, my house which I live, existing savings account, and just sentimental things. I offered to pay for a lawyer for her, and make anything earned AFTER the wedding fair game in a divorce split.
In my previous divorce my ex took a lot that I had before we ever even met each other, and took a lot of things with sentimental value just to hurt me. I floated the idea of a prenup and she was not OK with it. It hurt her feelings, and she said I was planning for a divorce if I want a prenup. She had this idea that when we marry everything becomes ours. We’ve been dating for 4 years, and had very few bumps so I don’t see a super high risk of divorce but I do acknowledge it’s there. Anyways, I love her, and I said sure.
Fast forward a couple months, her grandmother abruptly died (wasn’t expected. Grandmother was quite healthy before. Had a heart attack). Apparently the grandmother left the entire estate to her; Worth roughly $800k. Now, the tables have turned and she wants a prenup protecting these assets from me which I was fine with, but she doesn’t want to sign my prenup in return for that. Her reasoning is that her grandmother wouldn’t have wanted her wealth to “leave her direct family and that there’s a reason it was left all to me and not my siblings or parents”, and that the prenup must not have been important to me because I threw out the idea after minimal pushback…
I’m at a loss here. In one regard I’m glad we had prenup discussions because it brought out these sides of us, but I’m really wondering if this 4-year relationship that has been full of nothing but love and support for each other until now is even salvageable. She’s not willing to budge on her OWN prenup like I was, and I’m finding this whole situation very frustrating.
Because they are more subtle than men, one thing women across the board tend to be great at is pretending to be either dumb or delicate. “Oh my gosh, when I had all those drinks and then we went back to his apartment to watch a movie, I had no idea it could lead to sex. It just happened!” “I was so offended by that sexist joke that I laughed at that I couldn’t even function. I need the company to pay me $100,000 in compensation for that sexual harassment.” Or, in this case, it sounds like you’re “planning for a divorce” if you want a prenup.
Women’s opposition to prenups is always, always, always 100% rooted in self-interest, but they don’t want to admit that. So they give you that silly line about how “You’re preparing for divorce,” as if she isn’t as aware of divorce statistics are you are and has no idea why you’re concerned. She knows EXACTLY why you’re worried and why it makes sense for you to get a prenup if you have money. She also knows it’s to her advantage if you don’t have a prenup and that she would come across as a mercenary b*tch if she just said, “If we do get divorced, I want the option of taking half of what you own.” So, she cries and says “you don’t you love me” and “aren’t you planning on staying married” and tries to get her way.
On some level, men understand that or at least, THEY SHOULD. In this guy’s case, if he’s mad at anyone, he should be mad at himself for giving in in the first place, not mad at her for protecting her interests as he should have from the beginning. Does he want to call the wedding off because she was hypocritical and manipulative? Well, I hate to tell you, but the next woman he dates will probably be hypocritical and manipulative in exactly the same way. Know why? Because women aren’t perfect, little, innocent princesses and if you buy into that fairy tale version of women as compared to the real thing, you are going to be in for a rude awakening when you realize you’re actually dealing with a deeply flawed human being. We all have flaws including that beautiful creature sitting across from you pretending to be deeply hurt that you want to have a prenup because it means you think the marriage won’t last.