Me (f, 25) and my husband (m, 27) have been married two years. we have a 6 months old baby together. we got in a fight this morning, and he called me a b*tch. I know I shouldn’t have done it but I wasn’t thinking and I slapped him across the face. so he punched me really hard and knocked me down. I know it will have a bad bruise. it still hurts hours later. he helped me up and told me, “don’t do that again” and then left for work. he’s not home yet but I don’t know what to do when he does. I guess I should apologize but I’m kind’ve shaken up.

He shouldn’t have hit her back. What he should have done is immediately left, filed a police report and started divorce proceedings. It is just as unacceptable — and for that matter, illegal — for a woman to hit a man as vice-versa and no one should have to endure that in their marriage.

That isn’t what he did. Some people will tell you he’s in the wrong for being a man or hitting her back with a closed fist and some people will tell you that she is in the wrong for hitting him first.

The reality is they are both in the wrong, they are where they are and if she wants to stay married, she needs to make sure that doesn’t continue.

She can do that by telling him that she was wrong to hit him first and will never do it again, but if he ever hits her again, she will get a divorce. She can see if he will accept that. If not, they can both go to therapy.

Either way, for both of their sakes and for the sake of their child, this cannot continue. Neither one of them should have to endure a violent relationship and they need to take real steps to make sure that happens instead of just shoving it under the rug.