This one was just too hilarious to ignore, although I’m guessing she doesn’t think so:
My bf (21M) really wants to live in a van after graduation and I (19F) dont know how to tell him that I’m not sure if I want to.
Ive been dating my bf for over a year now, and we get along really well. However, these past few weeks my bf has gotten really into the idea of buying a van, remodeling and traveling the world when we graduate in two years. All he does now is watch van life videos, car repair videos, and other travel vlogs in way of preparation. He has the make a model of the camper van he’s going to buy all planned out, as well has the company he plans on hiring to refurbish it. He’s also starting to passively aggressively judge me for not prepping for the van life with him, saying that he shouldn’t be the only one planning all of this. The thing is, I never explicitly told him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him in a van. Im guessing he assumed so because we have been camping several times in the past and both really enjoyed it. I might have expressed support for his desires to be a nomad in the past, but never any direct affirmation.
How do I tell him that I dont think thats the type of future I envisioned for myself? I’m worried that if I tell him this now, it’ll kinda be like crushing his dreams. Its also a really awkward time to bring it up right now, as we are both quarantining in the same studio so even the smallest of arguments will get escalated. I’m worried too that if he finds out that I dont want to live in a van full-time, we’ll have to break up. This is my first major relationship, and I really do like him. I just feel like committing to such a lifestyle right now is a bit much, I literally moved out of my parents house like a year and a half ago. But its also starting to get out of hand, especially with the comments on how I’m not prepping enough for this. This is his dream, not mine, so I dont see the need to spend hours working towards it. What should I do?
First of all, she’s saying that the smallest argument will be escalated because they’re quarantining in a small apartment. Well, lucky he doesn’t want them to get into a confined space like a van for two years. LOL.
Beyond that, not only is it funny that he just assumes ANY WOMAN wants to live with him long-term in a van, but that she essentially brought this on herself by giving him, “You want to be a nomad? Wow, that sounds cool,” happy talk instead of being like, “What am I, a hobo? Do you think I’m living in a van down by the river? Seriously?”
If mommy and daddy are going to give this kid enough money to drive all across the states for two years in a van after college (how else is he funding this?), more power to him. That being said, if she doesn’t want to do this, she needs to start being open and honest with him because he is assuming she’s going. Could it lead to a break-up? Maybe, but what’s the alternative? Mope around, dreading the conversation for months while allowing him to think she’s going with him? The longer she allows him to hold that false impression, the angrier he’s going to JUSTIFIABLY be. She’s going to need to tell him the truth and then, whatever happens, happens.