It starts out bad enough, but the red flags really pile up by the time he’s done:
My wife and I had a tense conversation and were giving each other some space. Then she tells me her friend is having a hard time and she would like to go be with him for emotional support. I said that although it makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to stand in the way of their friendship. I said this was not a condition of my agreement, but if I were allowed to see the text where he indicated he was having a hard time, it would help me feel safe. She was annoyed but agreed to show me “if I was going to make a big deal out of it.”
Context: This mutual friend recently flirted with her, and she had to establish boundaries. He has since respected them but I have not yet had the chance to talk with him about it. I want to keep him as a friend but need to address it before I can let it go. She was not going to spend time alone with him until after, but I felt like him needing emotional support was a good reason to make the exception. My wife, however, said it was something she shouldn’t have to ask for and that she was only telling me out of concern for my feelings.
More context: They both have crushes on each other and know it. He is polyamorous and my wife would like to be polyamorous and date him, but she’s agreed that to stay with me she needs to be monogamous. This is something we are starting to work on together and seeking therapy for. In fact our tense conversation was because we were starting to read a book about polyamory together, and due to disagreements it wasn’t a bonding experience like she was hoping.