I think there are very, very few people that have the experience, have done the deep digs into the research, and have spent enough time counseling couples to deserve the title, “relationship expert.” I am certainly not one of those people. Although relationships get discussed a lot on this page, I never feel like I’m doing anything more than handing out common-sense advice that anyone with half a brain should generally agree with. Unfortunately, common-sense advice doesn’t seem all that common these days because there’s so much really, really bad advice about relationships on the Internet. Therapy is not a cure for everything. The man is not always the bad guy. It’s okay for men to have standards as well as women. This is not rocket science, but it can seem like it sometimes because people allow their ideological “should’s” to override what the world is really like. Take, for example, the advice this guy got after his girlfriend had sex with two of his friends…
I CAUGHT my girlfriend having sex with two of my best mates.
I’ve not seen any of them since and I’m dreading the end of lockdown as I’ll have to face them.
I work with these guys on a production line.
We used to have a good laugh together but it’s boring work and earlier this year I started to feel as if I had no real future. I’m 23.
My girlfriend is 20 and tried to be understanding but she didn’t really get it.
She’s a junior in a hairdresser’s and loves it.
When Covid came along I was furloughed.
Hairdressers shut and my girlfriend said she’d come and live with me in my flat.
The first weekend of lockdown one of my mates from work turned 30 and was determined to go ahead with the big party he’d planned.
We all brought alcohol and most of us walked there so there wouldn’t be loads of parked cars outside and it wouldn’t be too obvious what was happening.
It started out as a great party.
It was a relief to have fun after all the miserable news on the telly.
My girlfriend and I were soon hammered and dancing wildly.
But I overdid it and around midnight I told my girlfriend I was going to crash out on a bed upstairs.
She said she’d soon join me but I woke up around 4am, and was on my own.
I went downstairs to get some water and my girlfriend was stripped mostly naked and having sex with my two mates.
They were all over her.
It was horrible.
I rushed back upstairs, threw up, got dressed and ran back home crying.
I texted my girlfriend not to come home, that she’d have to go back to her mum’s.
I haven’t seen her since. I’m stuck here in my little flat on my own.
She keeps messaging saying how sorry she is, that it was just because she was drunk and it meant nothing.
But I can’t get the sight of her with my mates off my mind.
One of my mates has texted to say sorry, it was out of order.
He blames drink too.
But I feel so humiliated.
Our firm will soon have us working on rotating shifts so we can all work, just not so many at the same time.
So I’ll have to face those mates again and I can hear the jeers now.
Here is the advice this poor bastard was given about this…
Unless those mates are complete oafs (and if they were, why would you have them as mates?) they will be feeling thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed.
If you value their friendship, try to talk to them before you see one another again.
Hold your head up, say we all make mistakes, especially when drunk, and best put it behind you all.
If your relationship with your girlfriend was very special, can you forgive her?
If you feel you could never trust her again, say you’re over so you can both start to move on emotionally.
Look at how you can give yourself a better chance of landing a more stimulating job.
So, his friends from work spit-roasted his girlfriend and her advice is to patch it up with them and then he can work on forgiving his girlfriend. What the hell?
First of all, why would you want friends in your life that would have sex with your girlfriend while you’re asleep upstairs? Along similar lines, if you’re a 23-year-old, unmarried guy with no kids, why would you want to continue a relationship with a girl that took on two of your friends? People like to use alcohol as a “get out of jail free” card when they do something stupid, but ultimately, it’s not an excuse for your bad behavior.
The work thing is more complicated, but if you’re in a boring job and you feel like you have no future, do you want to fight for that? Maybe you do because Corona is hurting the economy everywhere, but making a clean break from a bad girlfriend, bad friends, and a bad job isn’t the worst idea I’ve ever heard.