A lot of us end up in a situation at least somewhat like this at some point in our lives:
I (24M) Thought on Suicide after gf(25F) told me she has no feelings for me anymore.
Serious and long topic, looking for solid advice, please dont troll me.
TL;DR AT THE END
Me and my gf have been together for 6 to 7 years, I love her so much, she has everything I want.
Everything was fine up until 1 year ago where I started being rude and didnt give her enough attention so she started using online chats a lot to get attention from other people.
3 weeks ago when I tried engaging in sexual relationships she told me everything, saying she doesnt love me anymore and that I was the worst boyfriend ever in the last year, that we have to move on and find someone else.
I was an idiot and I begged for forgiveness, I cried and she told me she doesnt want to see me sad, she still sees me as her bestfriend or even family.
Since then I have been extremely depressed, we had 2 big discussions about it and she really says she cant try because she doesnt feel anything.
I started getting paranoid and I really think she is emotional cheating on me with someone else.
This situation happened once in the past, in the early years of the relationship, she also cheated on me because I was always partying and going out and not giving her enough attention so she was emotional cheating on me over her phone. I deserved it, then when I discovered it I confronted her but she only admited when she noticed that I 100% knew. After 1 or 2 months without barely talking we decided to keep the relationship.
I have been the best boyfriend in the last weeks but I think that doesn’t help because she says I put too much pressure, I do everything for her, buy her gifts and give her support for everything.
Sometimes I got to her office (we have an office) and try to talk with her a little, sometimes we end up having great conversations but the problem is any small thing that brings the discussion back, its over. She gets mad and starts throwing every possible thing I did in the past to me.
She says she wants to feel loved again and be able to love. She also keeps saying that she never thought of marriage because I was an asshole the last year/year and a half, so she was afraid to talk about it.
Basicly I think she is definitly talking with someone, yesterday I bought her gifts and when I got home I talked with her a little, we watched videos together and it was nice, but then we started speaking about our cousins relationship, and it went downhill from there.
She showed a lot of signs that she is cheating, saying that its not considered cheating if a person is interested in another and breaks up the previous relationship to follow that other person (WHICH I KNOW IT IS THE TRUTH BUT IT HURTS SO MUCH).
She looked at my face and said I don’t like you anymore! Like 4 times. She asked me to stop pursuing her all the time and bothering her, otherwise she moves out with her parents (which she doesn’t want to because she will still have to pay our house rent).
If I was 100% certain that she wasn’t cheating, I wouldnt get so paranoid, but I really think she is emotional cheating like that one time in the first year of the relationship.
She keeps saying that we have no future together, its impossible and she doesnt feel like she’s going to love me again.
We have to go back to our homecountries in 6 to 7 months to pursue studies, it was our plan, but of course lately she says when she moves back she will move alone to her house.
I am just so sad and depressed I can’t take this anymore.
– Should I try to see her phone just to make sure she is or not cheating on me? I’m really thinking on this
– What can I do to make her love me again?
– Should I try to initiate on conversations with her and make her laugh?
– Should I avoid contact and give her space and only talk when necessary? (this was the reason she stopped loving me).
I understand many of you will say its over for good and to move on, but she really has everything I like, personality wise specially. We were the perfect couple, our only problem is when I get busy with something, I forget people that I love, that was always our only problem in the relationship, which is something I have to improve, but after this suffering I think it will improve.
Even 2 months ago everything looked normal, she wasnt this pessimistic and we had plans as a couple. It was very recently that she exploded and told me that we had no chance.
She also told me she hates the feeling of being bound to me and has no other choice.
One time she asked me to go with her to the airport because she had to pick a person, and she doesnt like to drive long distances. I refused because I was tired and she told me that day she thought on killing herself with the car. When she told me this I I felt extremely guilty.
Basically I was an asshole, always ditching her and refusing to do stuff together. I think this is karma and I know I deserve it, I don’t mind how much I will suffer but I want her back to prove her I can be the person I once was for so long.
Thank you if you read everything, it really comes from my heart. Suicide thoughts have been inside me for a while, but logically I know its not the right decision, but I can’t control those thoughts.
If you are in this position, here’s what I would tell you:
1) Losing a woman you love is one of the toughest things you will ever go through, but unfortunately, it’s also part of life for most of us. I’ve been through it and it ripped my guts out at the time. All I can tell you on that front is time heals all wounds. If you need therapy to do it, a practitioner that is experienced with EFT tapping is probably a good way to go at it.
2) No woman is worth killing yourself over (For that matter, no man either). If you are seriously thinking about it, talk with a trusted friend, call a suicide hotline, or talk to a therapist.
3) A lot of people who tend to get this emotional tend to be very young. In this guy’s case, he’s 24 and has been dating this woman since he was 17. He still has LOTS of time to find someone else who may fit with him a lot better.
4) The chances of him repairing this are almost zilch. When a woman flat out tells you that she doesn’t love you, doesn’t like you and you have no future together, it’s over-over. Once that light switch flicks to the off position, it almost never turns back on again. In fact, just about the only chance to get her back that he has it to completely cut off contact with her, go date someone else, and give her a chance to miss him. That’s not likely to work either, but it’s his best shot and it beats the Hell out of pining away for some woman that doesn’t love him anymore.
5) Last but not least, he’s putting all the blame on himself. Maybe it is mostly his fault, but a woman who already “emotionally cheated” AKA working on a replacement boyfriend once and is probably doing it again is far from blameless.
Bonus: The best advice for any man with a broken heart is always to get right back on the horse. Do you know what makes you miss your old girlfriend a lot less and feel a lot better in general? Getting a new girlfriend.