Women always worry that we’re being far too obvious when we like a guy THAT way. Considering the many perplexed and agonized articles and blog posts on the subject, men seem to have absolutely no idea when we’re flirting with them.
Add the tension and confusion around today’s gender roles and perceptions, and flirting can be a potential minefield of personal and legal woes. The obvious answer is to just ask, and if the answer is no, just accept it and move on.
But if, “Excuse me, I have a hard time reading social cues and wasn’t sure if you were flirting with me,” doesn’t work for you, here are some indications that you have piqued a woman’s interest…and she hopes she’s piqued yours.
- She has changed speeds.
You might have thought I was about to say that smiling or making eye contact was the first sign that a lady thinks you’re cute, but smiling and making eye contact are simply just polite ways to engage with other humans. Sometimes men mistake niceness for interest.
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But if a woman who was previously talking quickly seems to be slowing down and considering her words, or starts rambling quickly where she was previously relaxed, she is now concerned about what you think of her.
Of course, if you’re her boss or congressman, she could simply be trying to be respectful or nervous. Context, in everything, is key.
Fear not! There are six more cues to put together to be more secure that she likes you!
- She touches her hair.
If it’s windy, disregard. But generally speaking, if we begin twirling or futzing with our hair, we have become self-conscious, which means we have suddenly become aware that we care what you think of our appearance.
This is usually a subconscious move, not a deliberate one. You may notice we’re doing it before we do. If we undo a bun and shake our hair out Charlie’s Angels style, however, we are probably actively trying to get your attention.
- She touches you.
This is tricky because some women are just very touchy-feely or enjoy hugging. If you notice that a woman is going out of her way to make physical contact with you, she could be feeling maternal or romantically interested.
I can see why you guys get confused.
Usually, the temperament of the touch is a good second indicator. If she sort of bats or pinches you, like she might a kid brother or a grandchild, it’s unlikely she’s thinking of you as Prince Charming.
If she strokes your arm a few times during a conversation or grabs your hand a couple of times, there’s a good shot she’s into you.
- Her eye movements change.
If she was previously able to look you in the eye, she may now seem bashful, looking away or not quite meeting your gaze. Conversely, if she was all over the place before, she is now fixated on the windows to your soul.
- She is finding pretty much any reason to be in your presence.
You’ve decided to play bartender at the party? Suddenly, she needs a white wine spritzer. You’ve picked up a guitar? She wants to sing with you. You’ve volunteered to chop wood for the whole camp? She is now struggling to wield a second ax.
Though some of us also run away from guys we like, most of us just want to bask in your considerable presence. Like moths to a flame, we’ve recently decided that the stock market/baseball/Aerosmith/Magic: The Gathering doesn’t sound so boring, after all.
- She seems delighted by what you have in common.
Conversely, it’s even more wonderful to find out the boy you like (yes, we think of you as the boy we like even if you’re 72) is into the same stuff you’re into. Oh, you collect Duran Duran’s vinyl, too? Outstanding. No way, I LOVE to sail! AND you binge-watch the game show network? What even is life?!
She will now use this as an entry point to spend more time talking to you… and seeing you.
And number 1: Pretty much anything you do to flirt with a woman is what we do to flirt with you.
If all of this sounded familiar, it’s because women and men are both humans, and we both kind of do the exact same things to flirt. Except the hair thing. The hair thing would be weird.